Dead Angel turning to Rising Angel

Hi people,


You must be aware of my suffering in last few months, 


A girl who gives u name of  an Angel,although it was not reality but she was insisting a lot that it is a big reality,she feels that U came from God to console her,to make her smile , to make her laugh,to give her strength for her life the tense which she was suffering, u did as per her expectation, u spent beautiful moments together.Though The distance of their physical living was a far around 1200 km, but they were living in heart-even within the heart bit. it goes almost one year,Angel crossed the distance of 1200 kms 5 times for her,


But last time it was came again as a big failure when she said that u love me and I also love u but I cant do any commitment, can u imagine these are the words of that girl who used to call me an angel,


Finally Angel becomes Dead Angel bcz this compliment is of no use. he suffered a lot,his job, business,family,finance,his colleague,his social activism everything.


But How much shud I suffered? for whole life ? seeing that she is happy with someone else? or seeing that she got left again by a guy bcz of whom she left You,? offcourse Not. 


No Matter she returns,repents but can u believe on her when she betrayed U not once even 4 time  in a year,but u forgave her thinking she wud improved now,she wud be honest now but no she has something else in her heart always, I made mistake to understand her heart.Now again she came saying she loves but she cant do any commitment and "ohh Angel be with me I dont wannn loose u",


Friends what U think is she honest again?  No if she cant do commitment so no matter of going back with her,


So I decided to not to indulge in Love again not with her not with some1 else,I am concentrating on my life now,my business,my family,my freinds,my social activism and my Goal of life which I had lost in last 4 month,


I got up now, I realised now, That how wrong I was? Now I am still angel(def. with her) I still posses those qualities on the basis of which u gave me this name, But not Angel,not even dead angel to whom u buried in last 4 month but I am angel who is rising again, coming again into life, I changed my profile picture which was an angel with blooded wings it is changed now, I changed my profile name from Dead angel to Rising angel, my last poem is the indication of  a new shift in my life.

Pray for me that I could live happily again-although its a tough decision of my life, But I should  wake up, its a right time. as I am just 24.


Thnx for some people who knows this reality, they helped me lot to understand my self,they helped me a lot to realised the concept of rising angel. 


From now u will see change in my blog and in my writing


MR.saras as u suggested u want this talent shud be use for contstructive and to be use for positivity - Yes I m trying now as my best. bye tc. love u all.

I wann fly again yah yah yah I wann fly again

I wann cry again no no let me try again

I wann cry again no no let me try again

Days n months are flying ,they only keep me ruining

But I wann fly again yah yah I wann fly again

O ya I wann fly again yah yah I wann fly again

No matter what happened in past, no matter what i encountered last

But I wann try again yah yah I wann try again

 O ya I wann try again yah yah I wann try again.

I want to be famous for what I was ,people used to adore my smile , my class ,

Hey I wann shy again yah yah I wann shy again

O ya I wann shy again yah yah I wann shy again

You are already dead in my past ,  am moving ahead and fast

  

I wann say You bye again yah yah I wann say you bye again

 O yah I wann say u bye again yah yah I wann say you bye again,

Teri bewafai ka

 Teri Bewafai ka

Awarah ghumta raha galiyo me teri

kuch na raha pata teri bewafai ka

Bas chahat thhi k mile tujh se

hosh bhi na raha teri bewafai ka

Socha k qudrat bhi haseen sapne dikhati he

woh Lamha bhi yaad na raha teri bewafai ka

Awarah ghumta raha galiyo me teri

kuch na raha pata teri bewafai ka

Gam bhi saath dhoop bhi aur niddhal me

kin cheezo se karu shukr ada teri bewafai ka

Ek tamanna liye khada thha tere dar par

diid ho ishq ki Lamha mit jaae teri bewafai ka

Awarah ghumta raha galiyo me teri

kuch na raha pata teri bewafai ka

Sharm bhi aati  Ankhe bhi roti he

qissa jab karo bayan teri bewafai ka

Ae khuda is jurm ki saza na de usse

meri jaan ki qeemat laga de usse

kya hua gar woh wafa na karsaki

shukr ho qissa jo ho baya teri bewafai ka

Awarah ghumta raha galiyo me teri

kuch na raha pata teri bewafai ka

Dhadkne hui tez na milpaaoga hua jab ehsas

Laga dil rone aankhe bhi aayi iske paas

Kaha aankhone me hu tere saath

kya hua rakh na saki woh tere hatho pe hath

Dil betha rehgaya  aankho ne bhi diya sath 

us pe sitam yeh, pata jab chala teri bewafai ka

Awarah ghumta raha galiyo me teri

kuch na raha pata teri bewafai ka

Ab naa aaoga kabhi galiyo me teri,

ab manana he dil ko galtiyo se teri

Ab naa rehna yaado me teri,

lut hi gaya thha baato me teri

Ae-Khuda bacha is sitam se

na de saza usse is jurm se

Yeh dua he meri ke too rahe shaad

bewafai se kar apni duniya aabad

Me na karuga ab bayan qissa yeh bewafai ka

Na karuga Maatam tujh se judai ka

Awarah ghumta raha galiyo me teri

kuch na raha pata teri bewafai ka

Urdu Dictionery:

Shaad                -   Happiness,

Deed ho ishq ki  -   To see my love

 Nidhal               -   Tired a lot

Nothing to say

These were some moments........

When I hugged u first time I was at heaven

Unsaid Emotions

                                                                      Complete surrender

Was I the GAME which u played with me....

Song of My destroyed Life

Wo Lamhe, wo baatein,

Koi na jaane,

Thi kaisi raatein,

Hooo, barsaatein,

Wo bheegi bheegi yaadein,

Wo bheegi bheegi yaadein...

Na main jaanoun,

Na tu jaane,

(aaah)

Kaisa hai ye mausam,

Koi na jaane,

Kahi se hai fizaa aayi,

Ghamon ki dhoop sang laayi,

Khafaa hogaye hum,

Judaa hogaye hum,

Wo Lamhe, wo baatein,

Koi na jaane,

Thi kaisi raatein,

Hooo, barsaatein,

Wo bheegi bheegi yaadein,

Wo bheegi bheegi yaadein...

(hoooo...)

Saagar ki, 

Gehraayi se,

Gehra hai, 

Apna pyaar,

Sehraoun ki,

In hawaon me,

Kaise aayeee-gi bahaar,

Kahan se ye hawa aayi,

Ghataayen kaali kyoun chhaayi,

Khafaa hogaye hum,

Judaa hogaye hum,

Wo Lamhe, wo baatein,

Koi na jaane,

Thi kaisi raatein,

Hooo, barsaatein,

Wo bheegi bheegi yaadein,

Wo bheegi bheegi yaadein...

Happy but crying

Other side of coin




Lonely and hurt,
Broken I remain
Residing in hell,
living in pain...

Masked by lies,
I slowly fade away...
The nightmare I live with,
each and every day

The meaning of it all,
to which my mind attends,
Has not one answer
that I fully comprehend...

The bottom of my mind
holds the answers which I call,
I keep reaching towards it
in this never-ending fall...

"Stay strong and keep going,
it's never too late"...
No one seems to realize
that it's not worth the wait

There's no such thing
as help outside of your mind,
It's you against yourself,
with your demons intertwined

It's a battle, hard fought,
but never to be won...
Either way you end up losing
when it's all said and done

"Too late" came and passed...
and, of me, nothing more
I wrote my own ending,
and I shut my own door...

"Live your life to its fullest"
that's what they all said,
But what's the point in trying
when you're already dead?

alfaaz-e-gham

she again left me

Abhi tak nhi samjh paaya usse,

taaarekh dohrahi he wahi kuch,

jiski shikayat thi kabhi mujh se,

aaj saath horaha he uske wahi kuch,

kabhi is taraf kabhi us taraf kabhi dono paav kashti me ,

 kabhi kisi or ki tamanna kbhi khudgrzi kabhi kuch,

takleef,aazmaish,museebat sab kuch uthaai jiske liye,

jhhot jhhot uski zaban par zehan me bhi wahi kuch,

istamal hota raha pyaar karta raha rota raha,

tadapta raha gam hi gam mile or nahi kuch,

khush dekh raha thha ussse kisi or k saath

ab owh khel bhi na raha baaki kuch,

ummid hi naa thhi k taqdeer aisa bhi khel khelegi,

k jis par bharosa thha dukh sukh ka zakhmi karege wahi kuch

Loneliness Kills

Taking the moments of loneliness
The time of separation has come to a halt

Thinking about the days to come
For I see that life has nothing new for me
As the time of separation has come to a halt

I ask the same question over and over again
I don't know what's the hidden secret
For I know that it has taken my life by storm

Why has my heart become so lonely?
Why does my soul remain unhappy?

After coming out of the darkness
Life has not treated me fairly

For such words from a foolish mouth
Such words which has no bounds

Oh sky, tell me please
What has happened?
Oh lord, tell me please
What is my crime?

For it is not what I expected it to be
I don't have courage of seeing the light again

I got The Way :)

Love gives life and a break up takes away a life. Why a lover can not live normally after a bad break-up What if one also feels betrayed after the break-up? These questions are as ancient as the civilization.

Exploring romantic love -

Let us explore some more about romantic love and break-ups. A person who becomes totally involved with love loses his/her identity. The whole being revolves around the love. All the ambitions, all desires, all pains, everything in life gets related to love. Such lovers feel destroyed after the break-up.




If love is only a part of life one can survive easily after the break-up. But will any poet call such kind of love as true love? The definition of true love means you give your self totally away to your beloved. You dream, eat, enjoy, and cry, laugh, work, what ever you do is all centered around your beloved. You live in that love. And hence you die once you are betrayed . If you are in true romantic love, you can not live for a day without your lover, therefore it becomes impossible to live for a life time. The pain of separation and of betrayal becomes so bad, that the sadness kills the essence of living.


Betrayal -

For those who have been betrayed in love, it becomes impossible to understand about how their lover could betray them? It is like a child stabbing the mother. Imagine the pain of the mother who brought up her child with nothing but love, care and took every pain to see that her child was happy. The betrayed lover feels something similar and even more. So what is to be done?

Remedy -

Is their any remedy for such people?

Turn to God for help. Pray.

Look at the most suffering section of the society, such as children suffering from cancer and try to do something to help them. Find out those who are facing unimaginable hardships and do something to make their life better. Take your thoughts away from your own pain and look at others undergoing much worse pain. Contribute in someway to help this world become a better place. That is the answer for betrayal and a bad break-up. Stop living for yourself and begin living for others!

20th JAN- Our love Anniversary date

             20th JAN- Our love Anniversary date

As I have said n my previous post that we have met around JAN -2009,online on gtalk,it was started some days before to 20th JAN,09. Then she blocked me then unblock then I sent some mails to her about some general information with the intention that I am alive. She also mailed me about some general knowlede but as you know there shud be some 'BAHANA' it was also with the intension that I am still alive,after one week around she unblock me, we saw each other online in gmail, 


ANGEL: Assalamoalekum, 
THE COMPANION: wassalam,
ANGEL:where were u since many time,
THE COMPANION: yup I was busy,
ANGEL:  I missed u lot,
THE COMPANION: Y?
ANGEL: Jst dnt know
.....................................................
................................................ etc etc.


after we got involved in love of each other, we decided wht date shud we fix for our first meeting,or contact with love in heart,so we talked tht we exchanged some mail and chat, but love or attachment which we felt it was around 20th JAN-2010 so we fix it as our anniversary of love,


Today also same date but SHE is not with me,she left me, Left me alone in this dark world.
she was my light thorough which I used to see the world, 
she was my atmosphere thorough which i used to take breath,
she was my blood which runs in my wholebody,
she was my brain i used to think with it,
she was my pride,


Now she is no there, think what  I AM right now,

A big NOTHING.


Oh Lord, bring her to me, she is my life ,
Oh Lord,make my anniversary wonderfull,
Oh Lord,erase misconception which she had for me
Oh Lord,show her real path,make her understand who is right,
Oh Lord,make her understand who does true love and can stand with it,
Oh Lord, make her understand about my true love,
Oh Lord, reveal truth on her, which somebody presented her into wrong side and she left me


Oh Lord, I cant live without her bring her bring her bring her

Heavenly hell

Sitting in heavenly hell

There were birds singing song,

Sitting in a garden being mourn,

Thinking about life how it turns,

You love them ,how they runs,

Promises broken,trust fly

Wann complaint but shy

Thinking abt my love because it hurts

Fedup fedup, fedup with flirts

Garden was full of roses

Where is my rose? I loses

Birds are singing where is my song

Used to sing with heart launge

To praise her to please her

I used to cry to tease her :)

The moment I am crying live

No one  to wipe out ,dying

Time will show my importance

Time will come when repentance

Oh God make me strong i wann come

Oh God make me ur lover I wann come

P.S : I wann die i wann die i wann die, coz I m still in hell,

broken heart

still remember the  morning when I first met you
It seemed to me like a special day 

I shall never forget the countless hours of conversations we had 
The care and the love we shared 

The promises you made, the sweetness you showed 
All seemed so real.

I still remember the day you walked out of my life 
Leaving me in tears and agony.

My shadows the only thing which knows the pain and 
The agony I have been through 

You never realised my pain
You never realised my love

You never realised the deepest human suffering I have seen 
When you were happy with someone else 

I may not be your best man , 
But still I have my feelings

Not a moment did u think about that
Not a moment did u care for my feelings 

Why you never realised  you cut my  heart
You never realised  you hurt my heart

Hidden tears

My tears can fool the rain
My heart still feels the pain
I've cried an ocean of tears
My heart is still filled with fears


They say trust is hard to take
But ever so easy to break
They say broken trust can't be taken back,
But i hope you can see through the black


Your words cut through and now it's messed
And the fact that you can't trust me
I've Lost Who I am, I Don't Know What To Be

wht happend to u r promise?

The wind flows through my hair
And dries the tears from my face

I look around at all the beauty
And think of how it was then

When you loved me with your heart
And promised to never leave

But that was then and this is now
Your love for me is somehow gone

That promise you had made
Is no longer for me to have

Never to be at my side
Or in my arms during the night

 The wind so cold I shiver
 Does not dry the tears

When U Leaned On My Shoulder

Dont Know How To Describe That Feeling...

Felt Like I Have Everything In This World...
Felt Like I Dont Need Anything Else...
Simply Felt Like Heaven.

That Moment I Came To Know How Much I Love U...
Dont Know How To Forget That Moment...
That Moment When U Leaned On My Shoulder

I was not choosen ONE

Tonight I sit here torn and broken,

Our love is shattered, my heart the token.
Wondering where did we go wrong,
Or was there a problem all along?

Things were great when we started out,
Loving each other without a doubt.
Looking for a bright future to behold,
Plans and secrets between us told.

Now the nights are lonely, dark and cold,
Stillness lurks with echoes in my soul.
Emptiness is prevalent within this heart,
How do I go an to live with us apart?

It's hard to look ahead right now,
While hurt is too fresh on the brow.
Hopefully in time things will ease,
Finding myself and getting some peace.

I want you to know how I feel,
My love for you was very real.
I realize now, I wasn't the chosen one,
Be happy, live well, and have your fun..

After tht JAN 2009...

Next day I was very excited thinking tht wht she wud reply on chat, why did she call me? She dnt knw my face Nor I,we did not had that much bondness one sided u can say it was with me, but why she called me?

Time came around 7 pm she was online from home, I tld her 'YESTERDAY U BLASTED ON ME ON PHONE? WERE U ANGRY IF WHY?she said no actually i was very tired i was outside cud not come online thswhy, and when i saw u message i was frstrated tht time bczz of day's schedule i dint had even water to drink and called thswhy i was shouting I m sorry she said, I said "ohh no its ok, I liked u r voice,"

She was not ready to give her number Even I dint ask to give, I was waiting tht 'agar iske dil me hoga to number degi,I told her tht tonigh also call i will b waiting she said will see,tht day i had more work in the office  so had to work more 2 hours,she was also online consistantly, she asked" hey u r office time is over u dint went yet" I said no I have more work to do, then i saw she had dinner time, her mom was calling her,but she dint went, I asked hey u dint went to dinner she said no its ok, I m just being online, I asked why? U should go and eat with family NA. But she said' No Its OK, tht time I realised tht she is waiting for me to be offline then she will go to eat,and we continuied chat till 10 pm. I got some relaxed, tht now she is also lookinh intrested,

(o be continued...)

Fst Anniversary of Mailing & chatting with her.......

So lets start my tragedy, Angel meets her in 2009 JAN, online through orkut,added in gtalk through forwarded message,saw online a girl'The Companion',found her charming,mischievious,good sense of humor,keen towards religious knowledge,modest,helpful,through chat,Angel impressed with her kinness towards religious knwledge,fst it started towards her post in one google group impressed with her thought,it was JAN 14TH and JAN `15TH remember this date,and wht is today ?

Exchanged some valueable thoughts which turned into making fan of each other,As per her she blocked Angel from gtalk for one week,for some reason will discuss later,in this one week angel is to wait for her on tht particular time,when she normally comes online,but she did blocked so he was unable to see her,

after one week she unblocked 'Angel', saw one week after already got intimated towards each other,atleast i can say from ANGEL's side,he use to miss her lot, she was also liking angels company and chatting and discussing with him,suddenly one day she dint come online for a day,Angel was waiting for him tht now wht happend? where is she? why she dint came? wht happend? she fed up? she left angel? she is not intrested? she was doing time pass? or she is engaged with some1 else?or is she ok or not?

these few questions were coming in the mind,he left a message to her with daring and courage which he did not in his past life for any girl,he message

' Where ru? why dint u came? I was waiting and missing u lot , if u feel the same can call or miscall at ............... number,and he went out of his office from where he use to chat with her, bcz he dint had net at home,

and was waiting for her call or miscall fearing as well tht wht wud be the reaction of her if she came to know tht I was missing her lot,after 3 hours of mailing to her , he got a call from stranger number, he was happy but fearfull from inside tht who is it? her parents? brother? is she? or some1 else these thoughts came in fraction of second and he pickup the call, suddenly one girls sharp voice came whtever she was saying dint understood bcz she was too rough in english,only can understnd tht she was blasting on 'ANGEL'and saying tht she was too busy with something else,

I only can only understand tht she was innocntly saying everything, i liked tht.

I was happy tht a girl called him wow,tht means she read tht mail ' if u feel the same u can call or miscall me at........................... No matter wht she told n the phone, :)

(Too be ctd......)

Introduction of dead angel

I my self a boy 24 years old, cant say my real name bcz i m unknown to the world of love, she used to call me 'ANGEL' now in register of love it is amended as 'DEAD ANGEL', was in love with that girl called 'THE COMPANION' now known as 'SELFISH LOVE'

I m making this blog with the intension to take out dead angel's frustration- its a situation which aroused in 2010 JAN 8th ( prayed on 31st dec 09, seems to be blesses year by 'THE COMPANION'),

I will use name 'Selfish Love'for her in present and in future tense,

 for past I will use 'THE COMPANION'

 if I m saying as 'ANGEL' means I m talking about my past bcz now I known as ' DEAD ANGEL' .bcz  Angel is not longer survive,bcz Selfish love' ditched him,left him gone with some1 else,

u will be reading non-fictional story of my life from now, by tc.